Everything your kid does is amazing. Every smile, laugh, even a fart is just the coolest damn thing. The best part of being a parent is getting constantly blown away by how proud you are of your children; it’s priceless.
“You think this shit is easy?” Before baby I worked an 80 hour work week. After baby I attempted the same, but determined I’d do that AND be a stay at home mom.
I turned into a complete train wreck.
I was stressed, anxiety driven, exhausted, and jealous; yes jealous.
I was jealous my husband got to go to work. I was envious seeing other people exploring their careers and I was so mad I couldn’t figure out a balance of career and motherhood.
In return, I took a lot out on my husband, which was so unfair. And now looking back I wasn’t being honest with myself or giving myself a chance really.
I loved being at home with my son, I didn’t and still haven’t missed anything, that meant everything to me! But I knew I needed to stop getting frustrated and start getting CREATIVE.
I put a gym (I’m a personal trainer) in my house, hired a part time nanny, and got my ass back to work and my mind back in check.
As a couple, we had highs and lows about career and family. As a person, I had to search to the bottom of my soul it felt like to find my way. But it came together; for me and my family.
“I love my body; like seriously.” I had some form of an eating disorder for 18 years of my life. The day I found out I was pregnant, I knew my addiction to my body was over. My son saved me from myself.
My last stint in therapy I was asked, “what is your ultimate goal of recovery?”
“To say I love my body,” I replied.
I finally said that out load 6 months ago and I truly believe it. I train very hard, but not for aesthetics. I train to be healthy, to be strong, to be an example for my son.
“Is he ever going to be ok?” Sick babies hurt your heart and can break you down; seriously.
My son from 6-10 months was sick from something almost every week. Ear infections that lasted months. He went from sleeping through the night to 45 minutes at a time. The feeling of helplessness was unbearable to me.
I just wanted him to feel better. But I also realized so many families have it far worse than us, and I feel so much for them.
Babies get sick. You get tough and you just love them through it.
“This is so dang fun” Becoming a mother is like any life change; there’s layers too it.
There’s the messy ones, the really happy ones, and just the fillers.
The days really do fly by and one thing I’m left with after a year is that; “The moments pass by so fast, but while you’re in that moment it can feel like a very long time.”
My moment currently? Well it’s SO fun!
Baby B is walking, talking, and really developing into a pretty unique little human! This little human happens to also be discovering emotions, boundaries, and how to always realize a bathroom door is open as he unrolls the 50th toilet paper roll of the week….
Like month 1, month 12 gets easier on some things and reveals new challenges; but the difference is now I have some confidence as a mother.
I google less, I sleep more and the next year is going to be a blast for us both!
I’ve read countless books, blogs, and articles in the last year trying to help figure out this mom thing, but it’s true; there really isn’t a handbook or directions to explain all the ends and outs of being a mama.
Turns out, you ALWAYS end up writing your own.
Words can’t describe what my son has taught and allowed me too feel in a year, the only way to describe it is too look at his face…… He’s so happy.
And that moms, on the hard and the easy days, is the only true way to measure how you’re doing.
Last night, my son threw my iPad in the toilet after a full day of smashing crackers, giggles, unexplainable crying episodes, Elmo, patty-cake, and refusing to eat anything but Mac and cheese….. I elegantly made a not in my journal, “He might start a cult someday”.
Mom life can be tough, but it’s always so fun!
Congrats to my new and my veteran mamas; another year in the books and we have so many great years ahead!
To my son; a year ago I didn’t give you the gift of life, you have me the greatest gift I’ve ever had; you!
Thank you for showing me how to love, feel, laugh, and live a life like this! I love you tater tot, Happy 1 year baby!